This journey that’s called life is something I find incredibly fascinating. I just filled up another diary, in which I hadn’t written for 2 weeks. Filling it up with the story of where I am now, how I’m experiencing life now and all that has unfolded in the year that has been written down in that book.
The cover is filled with palmtrees and a now faded golden text of ‘Let it be’. Which felt as a perfect intention when I bought it. Reading the first page, tells the story of me just having arrived back in Spain October 2020. Having had an emotional drop-off at the airport with my parents, because I had no idea if I’d be able to see them again for Christmas (which is something I value a lot) with the covid situation. And arriving back into a tense living situation on Charlies finca.
Oh, how times have changed! The saying of ‘life that happens as you’re busy making plans’, is so true. Where I’m now, I would not have imagined to be. Comfortably and gratefully living in a community. Sharing life, currently with 9 beautiful souls, who are all so dedicated and hard working on this incredible permaculture project. Everyone is teaching me so much.
And full-on in an intense yoga therapy training. Not always in my comfort zone, but growing like crazy and so well supported throughout. Working on myself, improving my movement on all levels (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually). Working with my body, learning how I can support it even more. My movement, my kidneys and my presence to life through yoga therapy and Ayurveda. The Ayurveda part, which I’ve always found interesting, but that never stuck, until now. My teacher and the way she teaches it, explains so much about all that my body has been telling me, but I never understood. Now let’s see which practices really work… It’s all a big experiment.
Also, working 1 on 1 with people actually helping them move better and feel better within themselves, through more awareness. Every week I experience new insight about myself or about how to work better with clients. It’s incredibly profound.
I thought I’d would have been busy building on Charlies finca, and finding ways to give massages to earn money. And then I thought I’d be actively looking for my own finca and be there by myself working, with the help of friends. That all didn’t happen…
The power of community is amazing, it does have to be the right fit though, which luckily, I have encountered. No idea how long I will stay here, but for now at least until April. I’m happy here and it’s great to have the peace and space to be in my training and go through the process of growth of myself and my business.
Through this community I also have a few people I can work with. Several of them are experiencing pain in their bodies and together we are working to create better movement. It turns out to be a very mutually beneficial situation, the community supporting me and me supporting the community. I’ve also always been someone who connects more with people 1 on 1 than in a bigger group, and these sessions also create an extra layer to the connection I share with the people here.
I find it fascinating how I’ve always been a sensitive person, which now, through living in community and through my training is both confronting and something that is being nourished. During community life I have felt confronted by the time alone I take and I need to stay energised. Sometimes feeling limited, not social and kind of an outsider. On the other hand, in yoga therapy, this sensitivity and ability to see and feel is of incredible value. In the past I have tried to push it away, ignore it and even be afraid of it, because shouldn’t we all just act normal (I don’t know what that means btw) and get along? Put on a smile and just keep going?
Well, that backfired or from my viewpoint now, has opened the doors to the possibilities that are brought by this sensitivity. The life journey of finding how my character traits/abilities can be cultivated and developed instead of creating imbalance within me are now coming together in my training. Learning to trust what I see and feel in connection with people, even though that might not be what is being said or done, for whatever reason. The compensations or masks that I and others put up have a reason and a story, and that reason or story might not always want to become conscious or shared in that particular moment. However, they are there, and being able to be present with and supportive of all that is there within myself and the other creates so much possibility for growth. So this training definitely touches upon some very delicate and emotional stories of not trusting myself and pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Making me feel and realise how hurtful that has been to my body. And that the body embodies, and thus shapes itself because of events and emotions that have not been expressed in a healthy way.
The good thing is that working with my body and for instance the tension in my belly, doesn’t mean that all the tension comes out dramatically. I feel that sensations can be felt, without me having to go into a whole story around it. Through the presence and awareness my body is shifting and changing and it feels fascinating.
A few weeks ago, I caught a bug that gave me a massive involuntary cleanse, as I like to call it. Everything came out of everywhere and I could barely eat and drink for 4-5 days. It was very messy, but I could be with the pain and listen to the not-hunger, allow my body to shake in a trauma release way, and my mind to race as I struggled to sleep. Slowly I found the right rehydration mixture to drink, my appetite came back and my sleep could improve. I saw the flair-up of my kidneys and the tension that was still present in my body as the pain started to go away. The resilience of the body, and in this case mine, is incredible. It took about 2 weeks to really get to a place of everything going back to more balanced and healthy again. The body, with time, can change. It can heal, to the best of its capacity (up to a point where it cannot anymore).
I thought I was doing a great job with caring for my body. And it’s not that I wasn’t, but through the little of Ayurveda I’ve learned now, I got to know more about my body type and that in summer it can overheat. Also, because it’s hot outside, but also because of the qualities of food I eat and the practices I practice. With the qualities of food I mean the ayurvedic qualities, the so called gunas. Food can be warming or cooling, light or heavy, drying or oily etc. Since I apparently have a lot of pitta inside of me, which is heat, eating things that have a warming quality will create the imbalance of too much heat or pitta. The body will balance that out by getting rid of access heat. And apparently this bug I caught, loves excess heat and found in me a great host to do its thing and help me get rid of all my heat in a not so friendly manner (diarrhoea, vomiting, nose bleed (I never have nosebleeds)). I had no idea. So with this knowledge, that I’m really looking forward to expand, I’m curious to find how I can help my body through the seasons and through all lifes’ cycles. Learning about and honouring the qualities that my body has and supporting them through diet and lifestyle. I’m going to see if this Ayurveda thing really works the way that I feel it might, from what I’ve noticed so far. With yoga as the practice towards inner peace and Ayurveda as the practice for a healthy long life.
So yes, so many things have and are falling into place. It’s magnificent!